Bitten Not Smitten
This is an oldie but a goodie and completely true. It happened a couple years ago and you may have heard me tell this story in person. I'm still scarred (emotionally) by it. People wonder why I don't go on more dates....sheesh!
A little detail to make this story make more sense. This occurred during the summer I lived in a hotel apartment. He did not know that.
____________________________________________________________
One of the gentlemen I met in my online dating adventure seemed normal enough through all of our exchanges. Yes, he was a little socially awkward but nothing I couldn't live with. We met and went to dinner. He slurped his pasta and sauce, got about as much in his facial hair (that was a surprise to me) as he did on his shirt. I tried ever so hard to have a good conversation. It was like pulling teeth. He was a mechanical engineer. I got a lesson in processes to recycle electronics.
There wasn't a strong vibe...or any at all on my part. It was an OK date. I would have been willing to give him a second because I know not everyone makes a good first impression and dating can be hard. Maybe he was a diamond in the rough.
After dinner, I had him drop me back off where I was staying at a hotel. I normally insist on driving or meeting because of the creep factor. Until this point he was nice enough for me to accept a ride and not wait on a cab. He pulled up to the hotel, parked and I got out. I said I was meeting my roommate here as she worked in the hotel restaurant then we would carpool home together. I didn't need him knowing that this was my temporary home.
He insisted on walking me in. I wasn't sure how I was going to "find my friend in the restaurant" so he would leave. This is how I got caught off guard. He stopped walking, stepped in front of me, grasped my face and laid the most awful kiss on my lips. I've had better kisses from puppies. They were at least less moist.
I was stunned. This was not anything I wanted or expected. There are bad kisses and then there these kind. Not sure that anything I did signaled him that I would be down for this atrocity minus being polite. While I gave him my best shocked face and wiped his slobber of my chin, he did the unthinkable. He leaned over and bit me on the chest. Yes, you read that right. He...bit...my...chest. I had a V-neck blouse on but the goodies were not hanging out by any means.
I shoved him and asked with much less polite terms "what the heck?" His response..."I thought you'd be down for that." ::insert puzzled look::
Yes relative stranger. I'm "down" for having my breast bit in a parking lot by a man who can barely meet my gaze and still has food in his beard.
I told him in very clear terms that he should lose my number and leave before I punched him.
I went upstairs, took an ibuprofen, made an ice bag for the rapidly forming bruise on my chest and reflected on the night. The next morning the bruise was a doozy. It looked like a vampire bite but not on my neck. I could count the number of teeth in his mouth by the bruise. It was two weeks before I could wear that blouse again. I didn't want to have to explain the marks or get crazy stares every time I saw someone.
It turns out he couldn't follow instructions despite his above average intellect. He sent me a text the next day asking if he could take me out to dinner again. Ahhhhh...no.
A little detail to make this story make more sense. This occurred during the summer I lived in a hotel apartment. He did not know that.
____________________________________________________________
One of the gentlemen I met in my online dating adventure seemed normal enough through all of our exchanges. Yes, he was a little socially awkward but nothing I couldn't live with. We met and went to dinner. He slurped his pasta and sauce, got about as much in his facial hair (that was a surprise to me) as he did on his shirt. I tried ever so hard to have a good conversation. It was like pulling teeth. He was a mechanical engineer. I got a lesson in processes to recycle electronics.
There wasn't a strong vibe...or any at all on my part. It was an OK date. I would have been willing to give him a second because I know not everyone makes a good first impression and dating can be hard. Maybe he was a diamond in the rough.
After dinner, I had him drop me back off where I was staying at a hotel. I normally insist on driving or meeting because of the creep factor. Until this point he was nice enough for me to accept a ride and not wait on a cab. He pulled up to the hotel, parked and I got out. I said I was meeting my roommate here as she worked in the hotel restaurant then we would carpool home together. I didn't need him knowing that this was my temporary home.
He insisted on walking me in. I wasn't sure how I was going to "find my friend in the restaurant" so he would leave. This is how I got caught off guard. He stopped walking, stepped in front of me, grasped my face and laid the most awful kiss on my lips. I've had better kisses from puppies. They were at least less moist.
I was stunned. This was not anything I wanted or expected. There are bad kisses and then there these kind. Not sure that anything I did signaled him that I would be down for this atrocity minus being polite. While I gave him my best shocked face and wiped his slobber of my chin, he did the unthinkable. He leaned over and bit me on the chest. Yes, you read that right. He...bit...my...chest. I had a V-neck blouse on but the goodies were not hanging out by any means.
I shoved him and asked with much less polite terms "what the heck?" His response..."I thought you'd be down for that." ::insert puzzled look::
Yes relative stranger. I'm "down" for having my breast bit in a parking lot by a man who can barely meet my gaze and still has food in his beard.
I told him in very clear terms that he should lose my number and leave before I punched him.I went upstairs, took an ibuprofen, made an ice bag for the rapidly forming bruise on my chest and reflected on the night. The next morning the bruise was a doozy. It looked like a vampire bite but not on my neck. I could count the number of teeth in his mouth by the bruise. It was two weeks before I could wear that blouse again. I didn't want to have to explain the marks or get crazy stares every time I saw someone.
It turns out he couldn't follow instructions despite his above average intellect. He sent me a text the next day asking if he could take me out to dinner again. Ahhhhh...no.
Comments
Post a Comment