Missing Vacay Days

I've been out of the country a couple times this year already with at least one more trip planned...may two if I can squeeze it in. Haiti with Heartline Ministries in January and then an Intrepid Travel tour of India in March. A few people have asked "where are the rest of the blogs about the trip?" I know I promised to write. I've started one blog about every day of those trips.

As I get into putting my thoughts into text on a screen I realize that some of the things I experienced were very personal. As much as I want to share them, it's not the right time yet. I need the lessons learned and the things experienced to transude in my soul a little longer. Those days in places where I was only responsible for me and my own actions with no other responsibilities allowed for reflection and my heart could breathe and dream a little. There was no planning or projects I was responsible for...I was just able to be me.

Anyone who traveled with me can attest to the fact that this is hard for me - simply being a tourist. Haiti was a little less tourist and more work but still everything was very much out of my control. Even if I wasn't completely "me" I spent that time working on letting down my guard and being more comfortable in a different role. So much of my life is played out in roles I know well. Pushing my boundaries and changing my setting makes me reevaluate my personal performance and how I "fit" into this thing called life. Am I living life intentionally or is it just happening to me? Am I lost in fear? Stagnant in what I know because it is safe? Asking those big questions takes guts...and time. Time to sort out the emotions tied into the responses.

In the midst of those places and those days in other places my mind was free to wander and dream. I could think about the "Shanea'" I want to be and less about the person I am now. More thoughts about how I will move forward and define my career, my family and my faith. Less about work details, the laundry piling up and vacuuming out my car.

Photo Credit Jamie Jo Hoang

There is a little part of me that feels like the chick in its egg right now...just ticking away the days until its time to hatch. I saw this picture and immediately "got it." There have been things that are percolating deep in my brain. Plans and dreams that I will see come to pass. I'm starting to put dates on calendars and they are things that are "out there" at "some point in the future." My soul is counting down the days until things start to take shape. Not all of it is clear but I'm waiting to hatch some things.


So much of these last few months between the trips even makes little sense to me when I view it with my logic brain. When I can just turn it all of and see through the lens of faith and my heart, clarity rushes in.

Bear with me...the story will play out in time... 

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